Eternal hide and seek (poem)

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Eternal hide and seek (poem)

Final Post for "everywordmeans"

I've decided this will be my last post at "everywordmeans(Love)".
To sum up:

Things are changing for me.
The anniversary of my mother's death is Sept. 25th. She'll have been gone a year then.

I will soon be shedding my skin and leaving this shitty one-horse town I grew up roughly at around a month from this day.

In the meantime, I'm "flying by the seat of my pants" to garner enough money to adequately make that change, and I plan to do everything in my power to accomplish it.
It'll be hard work to manage it, because I have very little in the way of resources:
No car, no place to stay; I'm going to be in be homeless shelter temporarily until the move.
There they will furnish me with the ride to and fro my intended workplace
(Telemarketing), just enough that I can get my ass in full swing and make something good happen for a change.

These are all speculative plans, though... because none of it is worked out in stone,
and to be honest the whole endeavor frightens me, but what frightens me worse is the stagnancy of my current life, and this area (Dennison, Ohio), which has NO and I DO mean NO jobs available.

I've been living in a wasteland for years now, in denial of a sort, trying to bloom where I was planted. But the harsh reality leaves me no choice but to transplant now. There's no fertile grounds for me to grow here. It's all droughted and shrivelled and arid.

This is probably one of the most "diary-like" and forthright, honest posts I've ever typed into this Livejournal, and it strikes me that it's a fitting end to it, because I plan on hopefully being more open in general as this new change in hope and direction takes place in my life, and I will try my best to be less obtuse and cloaked in the new journal averiguar... although I may not be able to post there as often as I do this journal in the meanwhile, but....

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that a recent someone who I fell head-over-heels madly, insanely and truly in love with online has more or less spurned my affection, and it caused me to rethink this whole online persona business. (And a whole lot of other things besides!)
This is not to scapegoat her, however, because the reason for her loss of passion toward me is generally nebulous even to HER, so she has not wronged me intentionally or anything.
In fact, she's been the most kind and lovely person I've ever met, which (as I'm sure you know) only makes the distance between us even more poignant. I still talk to her daily, and (of course) pine and wish and pray and hope that the feeling will return.
But yeah. I do this knowing in all probability it won't. I'm not naive, just....human.


Since this is my last post here, I just wanted to say thank you all for the years of enjoyment here, and I know there'll be plenty of times I'll come back to look over this part of my life and reminisce or something (God, how I hate that word "reminisce"! -and all it's past tense connotations and saccharine sentiment! gah! :)

If anyone here happens to see this and doesn't realize I've moved on, you can find me at averiguar.

And I leave you now with three musical selections. One for her, one for me and last but not least: one for you all!

Sade (Lovers Live) "King of Sorrow"

Madonna "Jump"

A surprise for my friendslist.:)
"...and burning toast and prunes"? haha!

Eternal hide and seek (poem)

(no subject)

Eternal hide and seek (poem)

(no subject)

Listen to the way the drums slap.
Listen to the way the guitar is so plaintive with the opening lines.
Listen then to the crowd in ecstasy as she open her mouth to sing the first line.
Then wait for the verses to flow awhile, and listen to the bass come in on the second verse, and hear as the crowd lets thier joy loose into the open air as he starts to play the bass.
I love this song with all my spirit!

It's too bad we couldn't have danced to it.
Eternal hide and seek (poem)

(no subject)

I really REALLY have this crazy but intense urge to close this journal and begin a new one.
"Things have come to a pretty pass" -as the song goes, and...
this journal no longer represents me or who I am or what I want to be. SO....

Who's on board if I create a new journal?

"Everywordmeans" has been up for so long, I almost hate to part with it, but it's really long overdue that I shed this mental skin and begin afresh. It feels dead and fetid in here all of a sudden to me, and I can't bear it. I need to reactualize and affirm myself forward.
This is not just a journal change to me, but a life change.
I'll try and be more honest and open about my emotional self in the new version, instead of just posting fluff and entertainment all the time.
I have a good idea who I'll trade over and add to the new journal, but there are some which I'm not sure of. A lot of my friendslist consists of people who A) don't really even know me, or B) I don't have a good sense of them, and keep them on out of laziness, mostly.

I have a good idea of a name already (I claimed it a couple days ago)...
but I might still decide on something more apt than what I've already snagged from the LJ username availability pool.
Whattya think of averiguar?
It's a spanish verb:
to find out, ascertain
to inquire into, investigate
to verify, check
to guess
But anyway.... whatever I decide,...
It is decreed.
Now onward. But how? :)